I watch her. I watch her all the time.
I watch her pour milk on her cereal. I watch her stumble out of bed. I see her wince as she crushes her feet into heels. I see her curse at her laptop when sheโs working from home. I know sheโs steered clear of wheat since December but eats chocolate in bed. I wonโt reveal her darker secrets.
I know she loves Tom.
(But that can be changed.)
It isnโt hard to stay hidden. I stick to the shadows. I spend most of the day in the attic or the eaves or the space under the stairs. If she ever comes in I just stay very still. Itโs amazing what people donโt notice. I stick to the dark places. There are spaces in the house that she doesnโt even know about. And everywhere there are cracks and peepholes, gaps in the plaster around the edge of pipes, wood grains and grating and small holes in the ceiling. As long as Iโm quiet, I can watch her all day. And I am quiet. I am a master of it.
She has no idea that Iโm here.
I can stretch my legs more at night in the darkness. If I move in the right way I am just another shadow. If I need to move further, across her room in the moonlight, I just time it along with some other big movement. A sweep of car headlights into next doorโs driveway, the shadow of the big tree outside when itโs windy, the flutter of the curtains in the summer breeze. People are very easily distracted. And they see only the things they expect to be seeing.
Sometimes I simply watch her sleeping. There have been occasions when Iโve done that all night. Eyes bright with the darkness, not moving an inch. Just watching her carefully. Looking, still looking, for signs I canโt trust her. People often betray themselves when theyโre asleep.
Tomโs there of course. Lying next to her. He hangs around her like an odour. He snores in his sleep. She doesnโt. He doesnโt deserve her.
Itโs his food I eat of course. Leftovers from what sheโs made him. Heโs picky and snooty and he always leaves some, the ingrate. I scrape it up from the plates which she hasnโt washed up from the evening. Itโs hardened by then but still edible. Itโs enough. Sheโd notice if I tried opening anything new.
She never washes up after dinner. I know this about her. She gets lazy in the evenings. I donโt approve but I tolerate it.
So far I have not found any proof I canโt trust her.
Tom isnโt proof. He was always there, simpering around her like a pestering wasp without a sting. I was her favourite. And however attentive he might have been, however sympathetic, however grasping, she was devastated when she lost me.
I know. I stood in the shadows and watched her cry. It should have been proof enough but you canโt be too careful. So I stayed around, watching. Making sure.
I was a little bit worried when she gave up on the searches. When she started to settle with simpering Tom. I watched as she began to accept my absence. To make a home without me. To put away my things. It hurt, I admit it.
But itโs understandable. And the places she put my things are the places I hide. So in a way, without knowing it, she was returning them to me.
The odd thing about it is that I think Tom knows. He must do. I am sure, in the night, that heโs seen me. On several occasions. Heโs a poor excuse for a hunter, but he still has his senses. I wonder if he leaves the food on purpose. Is he colluding with me? Or does he simply accept that I am his superior?
Maybe heโs got the better plan. I do doubt myself, sometimes, in my blackest moments. Seeing the way he behaves with her. Soaking up her attention, drawing her love. Sleeping with the warmth of her, stretching out in the sunshine.
No. I am simply being cautious. I donโt know if I can trust her yet. Soon, perhaps. But not yet. Better safe than sorry.
And when I reveal myself, she will know it immediately. That things were never the way she had imagined it. I am not lost. I never left. I am her master. And she is my cat.