Artwork by Tim Judd. fb.me/Quillhook
(A smartly appointed office. There is a desk with a computer, assorted pens and notepads, and a Dictaphone style recorder. There is also a framed photograph of a smiling woman against a backdrop of gleaming golden beach.
Behind the desk is a middle aged, kindly looking man with a carefully professional manner in a perfectly crisp suit.
Opposite him, in a more relaxed, cushioned chair sits a small, slightly shrunken old lady wearing a flowery scarf, a rather dishevelled twin-set and flat lace-up shoes with support soles.ย She holds a walking stick, casually, in her right hand, as though preparing to leave at short notice, and her gaze, through her spectacles, is very sharp. She watches the man as though preparing to eat him.)
Dr Clarke: โThis is my first consultation with Mrs Finchley at my offices, on the afternoon of Seventeenth of July.โ He looks a little uncomfortable. โThis session is being taped at the request of the client. โ
There is a short pause. Dr Clarke leans back a little in his chair, folds his hands and fixes his subject with a professional smile. โNow Mrs Finchley, I understand youโve been having a little trouble with your memory.โ
Mrs Finchley: โI need you to answer some questions.โ
Dr Clarke: โYou need me to?โ
Mrs Finchley, firmly: โYes please.โ
Dr Clarke looks, for a moment, a little concerned. Then he shrugs, smiles benignly and unfolds his hands, placing them on the desk as if bracing himself for interrogation. โWell, this isnโt usually how this works, but โ why not.โ He has the air of someone living rather dangerously.
Mrs Finchley: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
If Dr Clarke is taken aback, he is too professional to show it. He glances at the picture, breaks into a grin which, for a split second, betrays his carefully staid demeanour, and replies, โMy wife, on our eighth anniversary, in Thailand.โ Then he refolds his hands as if getting down to business. โMrs Finchley, I understand youโve been having some feelings ofโฆshall we say, anxiety?โ
The old lady shifts irritably in her chair, โItโs not anxiety. Itโs a national crisis.โ She stops, as if considering for a moment, then adds, โPossibly global. I donโt know. I donโt have TV.โ
Dr Clarke remains impassive. He speaks very slowly and carefully. โAnd you believe this, er, crisis, is caused by someone who you think might be,โ he consults his notes, and then says, the quotation marks evident in his tone, โinterfering with your memories.โ
Mrs Finchley: โI have to ask a question. The photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke, (very gently): โMrs Finchley, do you realise you have already asked this exact question, only a few moments ago, in this same session?โ
Mrs Finchley, (with extreme dignity): โYes of course I do. Iโm not an idiot. Please answer the question.โ
Dr Clarke sighs, then replies: โItโs my wife, Claudia, on our eighth wedding anniversary, when we were travelling through South East Asia. It was an amazing trip. We enjoyed it immensely. This was taken in Thailand. So, this person youโve been so worried about. Youโre concerned that he or she isโฆ?โ
Mrs Finchley: โMessing with peopleโs memories, yes.โ
Dr Clarke: โMrs Finchley, are you aware that you have a degenerative disorder, which affects a number of cognitive factors, but which has a particular impact on your memory?โ
Mrs Finchley: โQuite aware, yes, thank you.โ
Dr Clarke leans forward in his chair, towards Mrs Finchley, and when he speaks his eyes are warm and full of what appears to be quite genuine sympathy. โItโs a difficult diagnosis to process. Many people struggle with it. Itโs quite a big thing to absorb and it can be especially difficult,โ he consults his notes, โwhen youโre on your own. Itโs quite normal to have feelings of anger, to want to apportion blame. Itโs a very human impulse and quite understandable.โ
There is a pause.
Mrs Finchley: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke sighs and seems to struggle with himself for a moment. โI donโt thinkโฆโ He takes a deep breath. โOK. Mrs Finchley, this is my wife. It was taken on our anniversary, when we were about five months into a trip across South East Asia. This is Koh Lanta in Thailand.โ He laughs, softly, โWeโd just got off a tuk tuk with a crazy driver who drove like a maniac and nearly tipped us off the road.โ
For a moment Dr Clarke simply smiles to himself, as if forgetting Mrs Finchley is still in the room. Then he refocuses, shakes himself a little and reassumes his professional tone. โPerhaps we could try what I call a thought experiment Mrs Finchley, in which we pretend that this person, this villain out there who is stealing your memories, actually exists. How does he operate, exactly?โ
โHe โ โMrs Finchley pauses, frowns, โIt might be a she.โ
โThey, then,โ Dr Clarke is satin smooth, โHow do they operate? โ
Mrs Finchley: โWell from what Iโve observed,โ she leans forward in her chair, as if sharing a confidence, โit seems to be gradual. Like a sort of chipping away, changing little bits here and there. But heโฆsheโฆis doing it on a massive scale. I see it in neighbours, in friends, in the postman even!โ she adds this last with a note of incredulity, as if the postman, of all people, ought to be immune. โLittle by little, until they just donโt remember things the same way any more. The photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke, confidently, rather getting the hang of this. โWife. Thailand. South East Asia Trip. Crazy tuk tuk driver. Afterwards we had ice cream. So, supposing this person really is changing memories, how bad can that be?โ
Mrs Finchley, aghast: โHow bad? Youโre asking me this? Youโre supposed to be the professional. You must know how bad. You lot are always asking people intrusive questions about their mothers or their childhood. You know how bad.โ
There is a silence, too short for Dr Clarke to formulate a professional reply and then Mrs Finchley continues, adopting a patient tone, as if teaching basic life skills to a recalcitrant child. โEverything we do is informed by our memories. It affects our whole attitude. If you change the way somebody thinks something happened, if you alter their personal stock of forumulative moments โ โ she frowns, โIs it formulative? No. Something elseโฆformation? No.โ
Dr Clarke makes a small movement, clears his throat as if to interject.
โFOMATIVE!โ shouts Mrs Finchley triumphantly, โFormative moments. If you change all that then you change the way they think. You can make people hate people. You can create phobias. And if he…or sheโฆcontinues, thereโs going to be a war.โ
Dr Clarke: โA war?โ
Mrs Finchley: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke: โYou think there is going to be a war?โ
Mrs Finchley, stubbornly: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke: โMrs Finchley – โ
Mrs Finchley: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
There is a very long pause.
Dr Clarke, sighing heavily: โItโs my ex wife in Thailand when we took a trip through South East Asia. We escaped a nasty tuk tuk accident and celebrated with an ice cream.โ
Mrs Finchleyโs bright eyes narrow. She studies the doctor in silence. Finally she says, โOK. Iโll let that one go.โ
Dr Clarke reassembles his patience. โMrs Finchley, you remember what I was saying earlier about it being OK to be fearful after a diagnosis like yours? About it being natural to try to find a reason for it, to make sense of it to yourself to help you go on? I think perhaps this memory interferer of yours โ โ
Mrs Finchley: โ-theyโre not interfering with my memories.โ
Dr Clarke: โIโm sorry?โ
Mrs Finchley: โNo. Iโm immune.โ
Dr Clarke: โ-but-โ
Mrs Finchley, sharply: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke: โThailand. Ex wife. She was being characteristically melodramatic about a slight near miss we had with a tuk tuk driver.โ He rolls his eyes, โYouโd have thought it was some kind of near death experience. I calmed her down with an ice cream. Why do you think youโre immune?โ
Mrs Finchley, thoughtfully: โIโm not sure, really. Maybe because my mindโs already corrupted. My memoryโs messed up anyway so I donโt look like a threat. Or maybe he just canโt access them. Or she. I mean, I canโt half of the time.โ She glances sharply at Dr Clarke, โOr maybe he or she just knows that no one is ever going to listen to an old biddie with brain disease, or take her seriously.โ
There is a guilty silence. Dr Clarke shifts slightly in his chair.
Mrs Finchley, sternly: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke, with a look of extreme innocence: โThatโs funny. Havenโt we had that question before?โ
Mrs Finchley narrows her eyes again, โSeveral times. Do you not remember?โ
Dr Clarke: โI do remember. But I wondered if you did. Mrs Finchley, your disease will eat away at your short term recall, it might make you unable to correctly judge the passing of time. There may be days when you donโt remember your name. Itโs a brutal truth but much easier if you are able to face it. Then you can begin to make plans for how you might deal with it.โ
Mrs Finchley, icily: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke: โItโs my ex wife. We were in Thailand on a trip across South East Asia. She was making a fuss about a driver. I bought her an ice cream. It was stupidly overpriced.โ He bangs the flat of his hand on the desk, โThatโs the thing about Thailand. You think itโs all going to be really cheap because of the exchange rate, but the moment they see a tourist they ramp everything up. You pay at least three times the rate the locals do and, quite frankly, the qualityโs appalling.โ
Dr Clarke pauses for breath.
Mrs Finchley, gently: โI think weโre getting off the subject.โ
Dr Clarke, breathing just a little heavily: โQuite, erโฆquite.โ
Mrs Finchley: โItโs OK. Iโm taking notes.โ
Dr Clarke, feeling himself unseated somehow but unsure exactly how it might have occurred: โOh. Well, yes. Thatโs very helpful. But thereโs really no need โโ
Mrs Finchley: โActually I think that might be why. Why it doesnโt affect me. You see, I know I have a disease, I donโt trust my own memories. So I know I have to be careful. I pay attention.โ She sits up a little taller, taps her pen against her nose proudly, โIโm very precise.โ
Dr Clarke: โWell yes Iโm sure you โโ
Mrs Finchley: โI write everything down or I tape it. I leave notes for myself all over the house. I keep things around, you know, hard facts. Records.โ She glances at the frame on the desk and adds, rather doubtfully, โPhotographs.โ
There is a pause.
Mrs Finchley: โThe photo you have on your desk โ โ
Dr Clarke: โ-Itโs a picture of my ex wife screwing me out of my money as always. I donโt know why I keep it.โ
There is a very long pause.
Faintly, from outside, we hear the sound of drums and chanting, interspersed every so often with screams and bangs.
Mrs Finchley, watching him carefully: โTheyโre protesting again.โ
Dr Clarke, slowly, as if trying to understand a problem which is continually sliding out of his reach: โThere have been a lot of protests recently.โ
Mrs Finchley: โYes there have. People are protesting all the time. They are protesting about everything. They are always angry.โ She adds, meaningfully, โAnd they always have a reason why.โ
Dr Clarke: โYou think itโs your memory stealer.โ
Mrs Finchley: โMore of a memory adjuster. And yes. He or she seems to want some kind of war.โ
Dr Clarke: โBut why?โ
Mrs Finchley: โI donโt know.โ She looks thoughtful, โI thought for a while he might be working for the government. Or she. But then the politicians all seem to be angry too. So now Iโm not sure. But it wonโt end well and he needs to be stopped.โ
There is a pause.
Mrs Finchley: โOr she.โ
For a while the two simply sit in their respective positions, listening to the commotion outside. Gradually the noise dies down, growing fainter as the protest moves on.
Mrs Finchley, a little wearily: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke: โItโs a photo of my ex wife. I keep it to remind me never to be fooled by a woman again.โ
Mrs Finchley sighs: โI donโt know why I thought telling you would help really. I suppose because youโre an expert. An expert in memory. You might be harder for them to mess with. You might even know a cure.โ
Dr Clarke, feeling himself momentarily back on familiar territory, โMrs Finchley, Iโm very sorry, but some things simply canโt be cured. You have to accept that. It really will be much easier if you can accept it.โ
Mrs Finchley, flatly: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke: โItโs my wife.โ He pauses, with a look of such deep sadness that Mrs Finchley freezes in her chair. She looks at him intently. โShe died,โ he says, finally, โin a tuk tuk accident in Thailand.โ
Silence. Then, Mrs Finchley says, very slowly and clearly: โDr Clarke? Will you keep this tape, please? Will you listen to it later?โ
Dr Clarke presses his hands into his eyes, rubs his forehead as if to clear some pain. โWhatever. So, Mrs Finchley, letโs pretend this story is true, how do you know? How do you know everyone else is affected by this memory thiefโฆadjusterโฆif youโre not?โ
Mrs Finchley: โBecause I listen. I listen and I read my notes.โ She pauses, then adds, bitterly, โFat lot of good it does. It doesnโt matter if I know or if Iโm as blind as the rest of them. Nobody listens to old people.โ
Dr Clarke, sympathetically: โYou feel being old has stolen your voice? That the disease you have makes you unrelatable? How long have you felt this way?โ
There is a break in Mrs Finchleyโs words when she speaks next. But she remains dogged. โThe photo. The one that you have on your desk. Who is that? And whenโฆand when was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke, surprised: โThatโs an odd question. Why do you want to know about my picture?โ
Mrs Finchley sighs, and stands. She reaches for her bag. โIโm sorry,โ she says, โI donโt think I can help you.โ
Dr Clarke: โMrs Finchley โ โ
Mrs Finchley, tearfully, โItโs only me. And maybe a handful of other poor sods. I assume. Iโve never met anyone else. But even if there were others. If we ganged up together. What can we do against the world?โ
Dr Clarke stands up, and starts towards her, urgently, his hand reaching out towards the old lady, gesturing her back into her seat. โMrs Finchley, I can recommend a lovely respite home. Very quiet and comfortable, and there you can meet many other people who are dealing with just the same issues as you. You neednโt feel so isolated. You are not alone.โ
The old lady looks up and meets his gaze. โThe photo you have on your desk,โ she says deliberately, โwho is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke: โItโs my wife. She was killed by a tuk tuk driver. Bloody maniac. These people are irresponsible murderers. Bloody Thai overpriced ice cream journeys,โ he is spluttering with rage, reaching out to hold onto the desk to steady himself with one hand, banging his fist on it with the other. โThey never apologised. Never. Never took responsibility. Just shrugged. Can you believe it? Shrugged! And they cheat you all the way. It was hell to pay just trying to get her body home.โ
There is a very, very long pause.
Mrs Finchley, quietly and soothingly, โMr Clarke? Iโm very sorry for your loss.โ She hooks her bag onto her shoulder, takes a grip on her walking stick. Then, with infinite sadness, โIโm afraid I have to go now. I want you to listen to this tape later and listen very carefully. And then, pass it on to the authorities.โ
Dr Clarke: โWhat authorities?โ
Mrs Finchley: โI donโt know. I would have said the police but Iโm not sure they can do much.โ She hesitates, โWe should probably just make sure. โ She draws a deep breath, as if steeling herself for something, โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
This time Dr Clarke doesnโt even glance at the picture, โThey start small, the people out there,โ he says angrily, โin Thailand. Just with simple cons and what have you. Steal something out of your wallet, spin you some line. But then it gets worse, they step up the volume and the next thing you know theyโre killing you. Killing you. Murdering bastards! I tell you Mrs Finchley, theyโre targeting England. Now I donโt know why and I wouldnโt like to second guess but if I had to โ and I donโt โ but if I did Iโd wager they want to come over here and take over. Yes. Come to our beaches. Get the hell out of their overpriced country with its overpriced food. And Iโll tell you another thing Mrs Finchley, Iโm not having it!โ
Mrs Finchley: โDr Clarke โ โ
Dr Clarke: โBecause THIS, Mrs Finchley, this is ENGLAND. And we are proud people. And we will STAND.โ
Mrs Finchley: โDr Clarke please calm down. I have written something down for you on this paper. Itโs to remind you what you need to do with the tape. Please make sure you follow it to the letter. Itโs really very important. In the meantime,โ she begins to hobble towards the door, โI think itโs going to have to be up to me.โ
Dr Clarke, confused, as though aware something has happened but unable to pin down precisely what: โIs the consultation over?โ
Mrs Finchley, smiling weakly, โI think so. Unlessโฆ. The photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke: โOh that, thatโs some girl I met on an anti Thailand protest. Actually that reminds me,โ he looks stricken, โThere was a protest. I was meant to be in it. Iโm supposed to be somewhere.โ
Mrs Finchley: โIโm sorry Dr Clarke. Iโm sorry to inconvenience you and I shouldnโt have wasted so much of your time.โ
Dr Clarke, rummaging around in his own bag, and reaching for his coat, โYes. Thank you. Mrs Um.โ
Mrs Finchley: โGoodbye.โ
She opens the door, steps through it, then pauses and looks back. The tape in the player is still running.
Mrs Finchley: โThe photo you have on your desk โ who is that, and when and where was it taken?โ
Dr Clarke, preparing to climb out of the window to join the protesters: โI donโt know. Must have been left over from the last guy.โ
Very gently, Mrs Finchley closes the door.